every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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