Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
