Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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