There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
