So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
