I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
