Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
