This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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