my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
