Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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