piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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