one two three fourrrrnication!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
