Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward