My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
