i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
