Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Randomize
Follow @tfln