there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill