Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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