god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
