apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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