Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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