Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
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i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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