i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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