Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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