My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize
