If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
