dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
