i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize