i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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