All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
