We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
