I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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