So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
