elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
