i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
