Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
