I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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