We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
