Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
