Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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