He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
