No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
