u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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