She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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