My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I bet he comes in French.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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