that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
