Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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