Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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