Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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