this boner is exhausting
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
