kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
