This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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