Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
