I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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