You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Vodka?
Forever.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
