I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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