mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
