Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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