i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
