I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
