i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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