im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
