How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
