Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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