I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
