need another drink. this is the easiest way
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
