I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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