I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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