oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
